Should Wives Allow Their Men to Watch Porn Movies?

If the term “allow” is employed in an adult romantic relationship, there is no reason for it not to apply to both parties, in any and all realms. For that reason, I view this as a 2-part question: (1) Is it appropriate for a spouse to have the power to give (or revoke) permission to their partner to do something? and (2) Is there a significant negative outcome as a result of men watching porn movies?

(1) Is it appropriate for a spouse to have the power to give (or revoke) permission to their partner to do something?

In any adult partnership, each of the two people has his/her strengths and weaknesses. If the folks know themselves well, and are secure in their strengths, then certain choices are wise. For example, some of us are “time-challenged.” If one of us is in a relationship with a punctual type, it behooves us (and our partner) to defer to him/her on matters of scheduling, time management, planning, etc.

It’s no different from paying the bills: yes, it would be better if we improved in these areas, and yes, we can try to do so on our own time, but it is not fair to penalize others with late bills, missed parties, angry parents, and so forth. If one of us is substantially better at this sort of task, it saves a lot of aggravation to let that person handle it. It’s just too important an issue. And as the “less competent” spouse, I believe we haven’t earned the right to be in charge of this part of our life together. In all probability the other spouse will be good at different things-maybe that person will be in charge of the home , social activities, whatever.

Again, if the other is less interested in and/or less good at it, I can’t see the benefit in taking their lead here. My point is that when my man tells me, “You have to be ready by 6”, I know I need that structure. I feel more relaxed knowing the “expert” will make sure we leave on time. When I research vacations , he’s relieved because he doesn’t know as much as I do about hotels, travel websites, and budget travel magazines-and is confident that I will find us a great trip. He does not TELL me that I MUST abide by his time frames; I do not FORCE him to take my lead on the travel front. This is a mutual agreement between adults.

In any successful relationship, I believe there are many such negotiations. But a negotiation is just that; it is not a husband dominating a wife, or vice versa. “Allowing” one’s spouse to do something logically implies that you have the power to “forbid” it as well! I have never seen a successful relationship under those circumstances. So absolutely, no matter what the behavior, it is never, ever acceptable for a husband or wife to try to wield that much power over the other. It only breeds resentment and rebellion.

(2) Is there a significant negative outcome as a result of men watching porn movies?

I have had this discussion with many male and female friends and am amazed at how some of the women refuse to accept what the men are telling them. I hate to break the P.C. bubble, but-MEN ARE DIFFERENT FROM WOMEN! There, I said it. The perfect proof of this is gay and lesbian lifestyles. Male gay social networks are overwhelmingly more prone to casual sex, one-night stands, overtly sexual dress, and the like. Lesbians, in general, are nothing like that. They are much more likely to form a monogamous couple and stay together longer. It’s a completely different culture. Of course there are exceptions on both sides, but for the most part this is the case; just ask any gay person you know. This serves as a sort of scientific experiment to see how men act without a woman partner to influence them (and vice versa). The sort of “natural state”, if you will.

What do we see here? Men love sex. And not the way women love sex. Sure, there is a lot of overlap. But men think about sex much more often. It’s a bodily function. Yes, it means more to them when it’s with a woman they love. But the physicality of sex in and of itself is a separate entity to men. Many do not fully understand what would even be so terrible about having another lover once in a while. This is not a good thing or a bad thing; it just is. And to pretend it is not the case is silly and naive.

Where the value judgment comes in has to do with the choice the man makes to either respect his wife’s need for faithfulness or disregard her feelings by cheating. The mature, loving, respectful man will make the choice to be true to his woman. This pleases her. This pleases him long-term. But this choice has absolutely nothing to do with that pent-up “bodily function” desire he still carries around. Of course, he will explore much of this with his partner. But there is still some part of him that has the “nasty”, “wrong”, “perverted” urges that are separate from her. It couldn’t have less to do with any conscious feelings he has for her; it’s just the way it is.

So if turning on a DVD and watching some naked bodies with voices, and fantasizing, gives the man a release for these primitive sexual urges, which are completely separate from his wife, there is no earthly reason for her to worry. The only major exception would be if he was literally addicted to it. That is, as with food, drink, work, etc, very harmful to anyone. But if he is not substituting porn for his woman, is watching it discreetly, and is doing it away from the children, it is in fact much healthier to condone it.

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